Your No Kid, Your No Kid, of Mine

I am so delighted because, you know, summer is here and I get to spend hours and hours outside, in the garden, sniffing the flowers, chewing the grass and sun bathing on the brick steps.

You already know that I am a Glam Cat, with aspirations to have long, thick, glittery  eye lashes and teeny, tiny high heels.  Maybe I could have little scented sparkly diamond  studs in my ears (say what?)   that cast beams of rain bow colored light and exotic fragrances into the world, attracting the attention of resplendent butterflies. Remember, you heard about scented earrings to attract butterflies here first. As I said before, I am no Brainiac but I am a Creative Genius, I tell you.

As much as I love summer, it always brings out the strays.  Clem had been doing a proper good job of sneaking around so that none of the Colony Cats followed him back to the land of Kitty Club Med.  If he was being followed by a starving, meowing feral, he would drive them away with a ferocious attack  because he is super high-strung and can not abide the caterwauling or even worse, trespassers.  No one invited the strays.  Clem is like Jakita, all Policies and Procedures, none of which apply to him, but with even a shorter fuse and higher developed sense of punishment for transgressions.

On Saturday morning, we saw Clem was in Crusade / Cleanup Mode. I would not stay outside and see Clem attack a starving but still gorgeous grey striped feral tabby, who had the nerve to outwit Clem and end up on our doorstep. But a feral can be very wily. 

Gorgeous Grey Tabby would not run.  He just sat very still as Clem went ballistic.  It is hard to fight an enemy who turns the other cheek.  In the end, Clem, still with his ears and tail twitching, stalked off.  Gorgeous Grey just waited, waited some more, till Clem disappeared in to the thicket, then left on his chosen time.  Our Bad Boy Andy, with that male testosterone, flooding his reason, sat on the hood of Momma’s car, to get a ring side seat.  Momma tried to coax him in, so no harm would come to him, but to no avail.  No, it was show time, he had paid the price of tickets, over the years, The Bad Boy was not going anywhere. Who can figure out the male species, really?

Still, worse was to come. Gorgeous Grey has never returned but…he must have shared his experience at the Cat Colony because in his place came Lucifer.

Pure black with a few wisps of white fur, on his belly, Lucifer has decided ‘su casa es mi casa’ (your home is my home) and will not  leave even when Clem threatens him or Wonder Boy stamps his feet.  If he was well-behaved like Gorgeous Grey, no problem.  But Lucifer is, well, needy, that kid at school you abided in the day’ ….when bullying wasn’t allowed.  He cries all the time.  If Momma puts food down, he doesn’t even have the brains to eat.  Maybe he is trying to tell Momma, ‘Go catch me some fresh mice.’ And, if I am outside, he clings to me, like Velcro or stalks me like he is on an African Safari and I am the catch ‘du jour.’.  I am not his Baby Mama.  It is way too annoying for a Glam Cat.  I refuse to go outside. It makes me very tense and twitchy. I have Wonder Boy wrapped around my finger.  If I can not abide Lucifer, neither can he. So he has lectured Momma not to encourage Lucifer. Yeah, well, good luck with that.

So pray for me – that my summer will not be ruined.  Best case scenario, Lucifer chills around me and we can both enjoy the great outdoors. Or, I will be more like Andy and ignore his presence, like I can not see or hear him, he does not even exist.  Any other suggestions?

For now I will just hunker down with my BFF Jakita, Charlie, Ruby, and Tigger.  They keep me grounded and stress free.

Still, the clock on summer is ticking (tic toc, tic toc).  Maybe Lucifer will just give in or give up. I will keep you posted.