It’s not like Momma was ever some Angel, glistening on a Christmas tree. I’ve told you before….she can be trouble and it seemed when she was with her Cousin Buddy…Best-Friend-Til-He-Did-A-Houdini, she kicked it up a notch.
You remember, Cousin Buddy (on his Father’s side)… always had Momma’s back and a plan to destroy anyone or anything that irritated, challenged or did not meet the cast in stone standards written in indelible ink somewhere, somehow. You could say he maybe had a problem with authority but if you were ‘in’, you ruled but if you were ‘out’, May God Have Mercy On You and Your Loved Ones…
Take Miss Tattle-Tale Rena, Buddy’s cousin (on his Mother’s side). She had this annoying habit. She listened to conversations, and then took the parts that would cause trouble and reported it back to their mothers (who thanked her for the information but did not react to it). In desperation she would take it to others who did believe Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes. Now we all know adults can not handle the truth but somehow that bulletin passed Miss Tattle-Tale Rena.
IMG_3598ed.jpg By Dzz
Buddy had the fix – he always had sure-fire cures. He went over to Miss Tattle-Tale Rena’s porch, kidnapped her new yellow rain coat that she was so proud of, and took it back home. He went in, got a pair of scissor and cut it up in a thousand one inch squares. From that point forward, Miss Tattle-Tale Rena was definitely out of a club since it was more rewarding making, than being trouble in her Goody-Two-Shoe-World. Like, duh?
Note: To be fair, Rena actually helped Momma attain her first job but even that ended up putting a sour taste in Rena’s mouth because she had been slotted in the Mailroom and Momma was put in an Accounting Department (something about the scores on the aptitude test…LOL). However, it ended well for Rena, because she was a very good-looking. She was befriended (alright, alright picked up) by a (probably) married Air Pilot (yeah, you’ve heard stories about those pilots, too) who helped her get a job as a stewardess. Cousin Buddy made sure he was never on her flight! No use to tempt fate…..or Miss Tattle-Tale Rena.
At Family Dinners, our Auntie Who-Never-Saw-Good-In-Anyone, (except Miss Tattle-Tale Rena) assigned Kitchen Duty to the cousins. Buddy, Momma and Her-Sister-That-Taught-Her-Most-Of-The-Things-Momma-Knew, would be sent in to the kitchen to peel pots of potatoes, carrots, turnips and what ever else grew in the garden.
In silent protest, Buddy came up with a passive-aggressive solution. He suggested they wash the carrots with the toilet brush and tell their mothers so like us, they would avoid eating them. (Momma’s father did not eat veggies and Buddy never saw eye to eye with his own father, so would gladly exact revenge on him, any chance he got). Then they would sit like Angels at the table and pass along the bowl of carrots, with smirks and snickers.
But the work was not done. After supper, Her-Sister-That-Taught-Her-Most-Of-The-Things-Momma-Knew, Buddy and Momma were expected to wash and put away the dishes – funny how those days it was considered girl’s work but Buddy never get mad at helping. He got even.
Like a military drill, the three of them got in position. Momma, who was undoubtedly the clumsiest, would toss a dish to Her-Sister-That-Taught-Her-Most-Of-The-Things-Momma-Knew, who was at the half way point. Her job was to throw it to Buddy, who would put it in the appropriate China Cabinet, if it arrived in one piece. Crash, Bang, ‘Whoops, that one did not make it’, they commiserated in glee. Who knows for sure if the walls have ears, or if there was a spy looking in the window (where was Miss Tattle-Tale Rena, you ask). Soon after that, an adult or two (other than their not-to-be-trusted-entirely mothers who resented their kids being used as hired help, without the pay) were always assigned to the kitchen, to ensure that for the next dinner that there would still be enough plates to go around.
So such a planner, such a schemer, some would say… who would be shocked that Buddy has popped up, taken over, invaded Sister Itty Bitty’s dreams since she became so sick? Not Momma. Itty Bitty, was so much younger than him, that she never really had the pleasure to know him, but now, he is her Knight-In-Shining-Armor…still busy, busy…
After such a long, uninterrupted silence, Momma is so glad you are back, Buddy, Best-Friend-Til-You-Did-A-Houdini… Like really, when you told Momma all those years ago, she rolled her eyes and said…yeah, whatever…..but now…
We believe in angels….When we know the time is right for all…You’ll cross the stream…Be in our dream….You’ll cross the stream…..Be in our dream…..(Paraphrase ABBA)
