It is like this. Just like international blue chip companies world-wide, we, the Four Footed have regular Quarterly and Annual Meetings, to keep the Shareholders (the Two Footed who pay for our room and board and vet bills, of course) up to date.
No, we don’t head down south to some lofty ***** accommodation with ocean view suites, a spa, a concierge and butler service… Momma’s bed does just fine…well, accept for Bad Boy Andy who is allowed in the room and to vote, but must remain on the floor because well, is a bad boy, that can turn on a dime, sunny one minute, trouble the next…accept with Momma to whom he is always a courtly Southern Gentleman…but to us, a Black and White Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Since I am Senorita Jakita of Jakitaville (actually, the Mayor and CEO but keep it a secret, okay), I convene the meeting…of complaints, mostly. On the bed with me is Diva Calico Gen Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte and Ruby, the Incredibly Wide Eyed Monkey with her two babies Tigger and Babby.
Clem KaDiddleHopper has no voting rights because….well, he is an alien. He has no birthright, no citizenship in Jakitaville. He might be considered… if he got his Green Card but no, he comes and goes, pledging no allegiance to the Four Footed or the Two Footed. To be a Member In Good Standing, one must be: Happy campers on our side…Fearless campers who’d jump and die…Campers who mean just what they say…Bravest campers all the way. (Paraphrase The Green Beret)
Ruby, the Incredibly Wide Eyed Monkey asked and has been given permission to bring my Pink Fluffy Bunny. I put forward the motion, and after some discussion, Diva Calico Gen seconded it, then a vote was held wherein Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte and Bad Boy Andy said ‘Aye’ in agreement.
I mean, it was only a formality…because Pink Fluffy Bunny was already at the present. Please note, for the record our formal names are used and appear in all notes taken accordingly. As you know, I am a stickler for detail and proper policy and procedure.
Once again, as at meetings in the past, most of the complaints (surprise, surprise) were about Momma. Sometimes (maybe a lot of the times, all the time), she does not get it. If God gave her two hands, it was for the express purpose of patting and cuddling her pets. It seems she gets so distracted with her iPhone in one hand and her tablet in the other that she has no hands left to give a good rub down, scratching and loving on demand. What a waste of God Given Extremities!
Suddenly the discussion gets a little personal as I chastise Bad Boy Andy for jumping on Momma’s lap, absolutely sucking all the oxygen out of the room, when I am wedged beside her in the reclining chair in the living room. Bad Boy Andy, never remorseful gives me that ‘deal with it’ look while Diva Calico Gem chimes in that I, Jakita, expect Momma’s attention on demand, if and whenever, twenty-four seven…..that her soft purr is drowned by my whining and whingeing unless Momma devotes my two hands to message and caress her…why I never…saw that coming…Gen and I are BFF…when it suits her, I guess.
Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte chimes in to say… talking about manners and lack thereof …Gen won’t even allow her to jump up on the couch on the living room to get close to Momma in the daytime, even though Charlie gives Gen full clearance to be on Momma’s bed any day, any time. Ruby the Wide Eyed Monkey and her family looked on. An intervention was called for or this meeting would, like in the boardroom at so many blue chip conglomerates, disintegrate in a sniping, finger-pointing fracas. Maybe, says the All Wise Been There Done That Ruby, the Wide Eyed Monkey offered maybe…just maybe, it is not Momma but all of you who have some work to do on behaviour modification.
Looks of recognition and consternation flashed across the faces of the Four Footed Board Members. Heads bowed in shame….silence deafened the room until Ruby quietly started to sing: Not my brother, nor my sister but it’s me O Lord…standing in the need of prayer…
Time for a Mega Watergate Coverup…Uh, let’s not put that in the notes says Senorita Jakita of Jakitaville, I second the motion says Bad Boy Andy, all in favour say ‘Aye’….a resounding Aye is heard.
Senorita Jakita hammers the gavel…Meeting adjourned….and let that be a lesson to you.
