Stand Your Ground

So get this straight from the horse’s (or in my case cat’s) mouth.  I am not a bully.  I am a sweet♥ .  Just ask Momma.  Everyday when she is sitting in RIP Daddy’s easy chair, reading the paper (yup, she has not gone digital yet), I jump on her lap, purring loudly, sending sections helter–skelter.  I scrounge around for a good place to exercise my kneading, latch on to suck on her oversize winter cardigan, finally settling down, then falling in to a blissful sleep.

No, I am not a mean cat but unfortunately, like all male (cats), sometime my testosterone runs high.  This can cast me in a poor light, but get a grip, I am the Brainiac.  I know when to stop.  If I don’t, well, both Jakita and Momma are more than willing to settle me down.

I confess that when I am home bound in the winter, I act a trifle wired. I mean, when it is too cold for a Club Med kitty to venture outside, I look around for ways to burn off my abundance of hormones.

First I consider, should I give chase to the Diva Calico Gen? On the plus side, she loves a good chase, if I give her a head start.  However, she is so pretty and my little sister, as well as Jakita’s best friend forever. If I take on Gen, I take on Jakita who will join the chase, jump on my back and chew my ears.  That is no fun.

Well, there  is always Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte (Charlie).  But that is problematic as well because Jakita is not kidding, she has ears that hear the butterflies flap their wings in Africa. The first hiss out of Charlie and Jakita barks to tell on me.  Momma comes running, shoos me away, comforts Charlie, praises Jakita and I am the one in the proverbial  dog house.

However, I have a secret.  Jakita is afraid  when Momma vacuums because her ears are so sensitive to noise, so she hunkers down by me for protection.  So good luck with that hard ball you sometimes send my way, Jakita. Who said, what goes around, comes around?

Something very disturbing happened last night.  Since Gen, Charlie and Jakita sleep on Momma’s bed every night, I thought, I did, if you can’t beat them, join them.  Once lights were out, I jumped so lightly on the end of the bed, Momma did not even feel me launching. I  was nowhere near her, but still, Charlie took exception and emitted a low, steady growl.  She was not sharing a sleeping space with me and she was not going anywhere.  Momma turned on the lamp, looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘Sorry Bad Boy Andy, you got to learn to play nice if you want to earn a space on my bed.’

Okay, got it already. This Lover Boy Sweet♥ Cat  will go sleep  by myself, in the sun porch or on  the couch, or on the heat register, apparently anywhere but Momma’s bed.  Nobody has a sense of humor anymore.