Mr. Grey Squirrel Teaches Family Values

Those loud, self aggrandizing squirrels are back and I, Jakita,  for one, am not pleased.  And if I have Momma figured out, she is not too happy either.  They are a nuisance.  It just may be me, but I think that every generation of squirrels get more self-serving and brazen.  Let me tell you what I have to put up with.

Let us start with the jabbering.  I go out to the back yard, seeking solace and shade. In a matter of seconds (it seems), there is a legion of baby squirrels, sitting on the roof of our garage and vocalizing their discontent of my existence.  Truthfully, I don’t understand squirrel gibberish, but they seem very displeased with something. To my way of thinking, all squirrels have a poor attitude.

If I am lucky enough to fall asleep before they notice me, it is game on, with me, serving as the target board.  They zip up the cherry tree, bite off green cherries, fly from the tree limb to the fence, scoot over to the maple tree I am napping under and drop hard cherries on my head. I awake in a fright, to their high-pitched malevolent cackle.  I jump up in full attack mode, barking so ferociously that Mr. Grey Squirrel and Mrs Black (Grey) Squirrel stumble out of their nest, half asleep, to see what the commotion is about.  No kidding, Mr. Grey Squirrel expels a sharp command and his progeny disappear with him and Mrs. Black (Grey) Squirrel. I revel in the knowledge that the Baby Squirrels are being sent back to their nest for a time out… we hope until they learn how to behave in public.

However, those squirrels get really audacious in the front yard cherry tree.  I watch them fly from the tree to the rooftop, then back to the tree, swinging on branches, cherries of every color, white, green, red, pelting down on the top of the cat’s heads, on the veranda, the sidewalk, the driveway.

Then they scramble down the tree trunk and take a bite out of one –like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the first cherry is too sour – they take the next one, still a little yellow, finally the third cherry is red and ready. Their sharp little teeth consume the pulp. The pit is spit out.  You have to look down to make sure you do not step on discarded cherries or pits because, well, you will be doing a Gerald Ford trip and fall and honestly, they sit high in the branches and laugh at you. Those green cherries and pits are as hard and dangerous as stepping on glass marbles.

Every day, three times a day, Momma has to go and sweep the steps and sidewalk to avoid taking a slider. I mean, Momma can’t place a law suit against squirrels.  They can not reimburse your medical bills when you fall and break a bone or two, can they? Maybe a Class Action Suit against….well, let me think about it. Meanwhile Momma has put wind chimes in the trees. Squirrels do not like the tinkle, tinkle, tinkle of the chimes.  I will let you know how that goes.

Yet for all their short comings, I have a secret admiration for squirrels (shsh).  I love their bushy tails and how they persistently chase Wonder Boy for peanuts.  They come close, then closer, then grab the peanut from his hand, with their tiny paws, sit on their haunches, eyeballing Wonder Boy, then come back begging for more.  I am amazed how their back paws can swivel to climb down trees.  And who is better at scrounging for food? Squirrels could teach the Four Footed and the Two Footed survival skills. Also, as Mr. Grey Squirrel said in an earlier blog, they have lived in, around and near our home for generations.  They Owned the Podium (long before the Canadians), and are not going anywhere soon.

No one can say they have not earned their Squatter’s Rights!.….

But please, I beg of you, NIMBY (Not In My Backyard), okay?