I Feel Good, Like I Knew That I Would

Here is ‘de ting’ as Momma’s most beloved French Brother-In-Law used to say.  The older you get, the more you realize how much you don’t know, even a strictly by the rules Policy and Procedure Wonk, like me, the irresistibly gorgeous, multi talented and Einstein Havanese Senorita Jakita from Jakitaville….Oh, it is hard to admit, but the good news is the wisdom of age protects you from all manners of danger and mayhem.

Now I know you are looking for examples…well, there are plenty of those.  Take for instance when I was that silly little puppy, born in a barn in the dead of winter, escaping my pen within a matter of weeks, weaving in and out of the horse and cow stalls, my little siblings tagging behind me.  I mean, a

horse or cow hoof trampling one of us would have been, like, as in a well read book, ‘THE END.’  At that time in my life, I was blessed with high energy and cursed with no sense of reality.  That we lived speaks not of any great feat on my part but the aligning of the stars and plants on any given night.  I mean, ‘We Lived in the Danger Zone.

Then I was lucky enough to get a Forever Home  and you guessed…Momma was Manager not only of Human Resources but Health and Safety for like a billion years so when I was not in someone’s care, I was placed in a Baby Pen so that no one would accidentally tramp on me.  Seemed I had a Momma even more wily than me. I tried to climb up the sides, no dice.  I tried to leap over, too high…Huh? I went from freedom in a barn to a pen in my Forever Home….to keep me safe?  This was not something I had signed on for. What was I missing here?  My new home sure appeared more like a Club Med than any Danger Zone.  So, I complained.  I whimpered, I whined, I warbled and even surprised myself with a tinny little bark that I practised with diligence until, you got it, Momma rescued me.

But one night Momma had to go out and put kind-hearted but a distracted Daddy in charge of me.  Now Momma with that Mama Bear instinct is pure Helicopter Mom.  Poor Wonder Boy was watched 24/7 – unless he was asleep and even then Momma would creep into his bedroom to make sure he was breathing. The only day, Momma left Daddy in charge of Wonder Boy…she came home to find out her wrapped in cotton wool four-year old had managed to go to the store by himself for gum, walking two blocks each way as well as crossing a six lane street with Red, Yellow, Green lights, White Hand to walk, Orange Signal Don’t Walk and the Chirper, all unbeknownst to Daddy.  It goes without saying that Daddy and I would get along just fine.

It was a lovely evening so Daddy and I went to the garden, him with his cell phone to call customers and me chanting, ‘Free at Last. Thank God Almighty. Free at Last.’ Daddy started chatting as I scoped the back yard for something to do…then I noticed the most amazing pile of sparkly pebbles.  They looked so good, I had to, just had to, taste them.  They did not slide down well so I decided to scoop them up with freshly fertilized garden soil…still not what I expected so I decided I’d just go lay down by Daddy’s lawn chair.  Maybe then I’d feel better.  All of a sudden it was as if a cyclone came tearing through my puppy body.  I heaved and spewed pebbles and soil and the cat food I was not supposed to eat and of course my own kibbles.  This was not good….but it got Daddy’s attention.

I was scooped up, barricaded in the kitchen for a more efficient clean up.  Momma came home.  There was no blame assigned to me (guilty as charged) or Daddy (who never had a clue how to be tough on any little Two or Four Footed Entities) or even talked about.  All of a sudden I was happy that Momma was a Helicopter Mom who was even more wily than me.  I felt so sorry that like Adam and Eve, I ate the Forbidden Fruit… but even sorrier for myself.

Momma took me to her bedroom, settled me on a large, easily washed rug, talked to me soothingly as I heaved.  Come morning, the sun rose, I did my

downward stretching dog and warbled, I feel good, like I knew that I would.’……but I never again ate pebbles mixed with ground soil again….Still, I did it my way.