Please…when you are carving my epitaph on cold black marble slab, let it read…
‘He tried so hard to show them all that he wasn’t always mean…..
Yet they all thought each thing he did was just some evil scheme….’ (Paraphrase Hank Williams)
Because….really, I always mean well…
Every cat is born a helpless little kitty, dependent on Mama Cat to sustain life and order …which gets tricky…when you are born a feral….with no cushy baskets to sleep in… no water dishes or dry or wet food, set up in separate stations to prevent the Dominant from taking and taking and taking from the Submissive…..
I knew, I just knew, I had to survive because I had a purpose in life…I would be someone, somewhere, even if I was clueless about backing down when the stakes were high….but hey, I am The Brainiac, not some Risk Management Director, placing my bets, considering the odds.
It wasn’t long (like I was 3.5 weeks old) when ‘Destiny is All’ kicked in and our Momma swooped myself, (Bad Boy Andy), Sister Diva Calico Gen and Brother Muscle Cat Beauregard from a life of utter noisy chaos and destruction at a Tier One Auto Manufacturing Plant and took us to an Urban Suburban Life…well Paradise, …actually. One little catch….there were three Senior Cats, all female (also feral), who lived there, rescues as well and like Shania Twain…. ‘That don’t impress me much.’
Job #1….eat, eat, eat…outsize, outrank the Senior Cats….show them Tom Cats (The Muscle Cat Beau and me, Bad Boy Andy) rule, and outrank so…move over…. there is some New Sheriffs in town….oh, and Diva Calico Gen, being our sibling ranked before the Seniors because…blood’s thicker than water, so, well, we had her back. All of this jockeying for position caused a lot of snarling and chasing, ripping around but we were not going anywhere…but then, neither were the Senior Cats…..
I was much sneakier (I am the Brainiac) then Beau, so would avoid confrontations indoors (Momma and Wonder Boy are so judgemental – no sense of one up man ship at all)…but not Beau, who would find himself ejected in to the cold snowy nights to cool down.
As years pile on, only Sweet Diva Calico Gen and myself are left….and one Senior Cat, Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte and like two old rams, we still lock horns…she has me permanently barred from Momma’s bedroom…something to do with my bad behaviour…no doubt….
Still the living room is fair game…I see Momma in that ratty old sweater, I hop up for a suckle and a kneading session….and I spend countless hours grooming the Ultimate Earth Dog Jakita. Even if she is so strict about discipline, still she is as patient as a saint….but I have seen her rolling her eyes when I groom on and on….
So I am hoping, paw toes crossed that when I take my blue ICloud to Heaven, some of my more savory, caring moments will be put on the scale and that they will outweigh the torment I dished out because…honestly, I was only being a Tom Cat
Come to think of it…I am a Catholic. I’ll go to confession…Say my Hail Mary’s…Get my Last Rites…I’m in…Well, maybe Cat-O-Lic Purgatory for a while….Just glad I’m not one of those WASP (White Ango-Saxon Protestants),,,,like Momma….no hope for them!