Do you promise not to tell…Let me whisper in your ear… Momma is getting old (say it ain’t so)…or maybe just lazy (no, never that)…and even an Ultimate Earth Dog like me can not tell the difference….
I remember, I remember…seems like only yesterday…Momma would be like the Postman…take me for a walk in the rain, snow, sleet, hail, sunshine, moonshine…now…not so much. Come 40 degrees below or above Centigrade, I would be walked (cajoled, forced or pulled along, sometimes, I admit). It seems to me and maybe I am a bit hyper sensitive on this subject, conditions now have to be perfect for the leash to come out. What gives Momma, what gives?
Oh, I know I am judgemental and sanctimonious but I sit on top of the couch in the Sunroom and I know what is going on in our neighborhood…that Super Freak Dog, La Belle Dame with her Super Attentive Momma gets walked, like every day and maybe twice on Sundays.
Momma told me that I have to understand that La Belle Dame is a big dog compared to me and an apartment dweller with no back yard to burn energy so she needs her regular jaunts through the neighborhood but I think…so… what?
It may sound paranoid but could it be possible La Belle Dame is prancing past my place every freaking day, just to annoy me…like nah, nah, nah nah nah? I know her Super Attentive Momma just leashes her and then the Super Freak literally pulls her around, where ever she wants to go, making sudden, jerky stops, nearly upending her poor, kind-hearted-I-didn’t-see-it-coming Mistress. We are both seven years old now…
I have learned my manners…where are yours, La Belle Dame?
I know, I know what you say Momma…on muddy days, like today, when we have a twenty-minute walk, you then suffer through a thirty minute cleanup… soap up the belly, the paws, rinse, change muddy water, start all over, towel, then blow dry…I can not help that you are a Virgo and apparently you can’t either. And I refuse to be a namby-pamby boot wearing doggie.
Let’s get with the program, Momma. The worst of the Arctic Vortex is behind us for this year, (fluffy paw toes crossed), the snowdrops are pushing through, the birds are gathering, the tree buds are forming…we don’t want to miss out on the miracle of rebirth in our midst.
Take me out for my walk…take me out to the crowd…put on my leash and my booties (okay, okay)…I don’t care if I never come back… cause it’s… one, two, three, it would seem only fair that we’ll join you there ……. (Paraphrase Take Me Out to the Ball Game).
