Worst.Idea.Ever

Recent pic of Momma and Her WonderBoy …. she consults him for financial success.

Momma was talking to our WonderBoy about going to see her Financial Planner and I asked (with my eyes, of course)…like what the heck is that…and she understood my query…because that’s a Momma’s speciality…or so it seems.

Apparently, you give your hard earned money from over the years to a sound (but not high risk) Financial Institution who invests it for you at an agreed upon commission (nawthing’s free, as Uncle would say) who toss it in a pool with other investors…. (like copper pennies… make a wish…cross your fingers)…

Bears can tear you and the market to shreds.

Then you pray for a charging Bull Market…not a destructive Bear Market…but it is not like when Momma went out to work everyday and brought home a set salary (whether she applied herself or not – are you kidding…Momma would always apply herself or die trying…so she says).

With the Investing Scenario…you just never know…the tech world goes in a tailspin, your net worth drops.

China or India sigh, more trouble in the bottom line, the US President cancels trade deals, keep your head low….Should you stay the course or get the heck out of Dodge??? Makes me ponder where my next dog bones might come from? Should I, Jakita become a Working Dog?

Now can you just see me going out the door, waving buh-bye to Momma with a fanny pack strapped around my rotund belly, stuffed full of food, treats and bottled water. I would be an excellent Sniffer Dog at the Airport because I have a keen sense of smell be it money, drugs and especially food and the bugs that come with it and a most aggravating bark to signal ‘I got a hit’ …then I heard those dogs only get paid in love and food…and I already have plenty of that from Momma and WonderBoy….without getting my fanny and pack out the door…..

Certainly I would be absolutely great at herding the farmers’ sheep, cows or even cats (lot of cat experience on my Resume) but most farmers are high on love and low on money…if the Federal Government can’t pay me at the airport, forget getting paid by farmers…deep sigh.

Okay, Okay I got it, I’ll become a Dog Model, walk the runway, strut my stuff, get in to advertising….a dog can make a killing at ads these days and everyone says I have a beautiful face, soulful eyes and a coat of fur that gleams and glistens from white to tan to various shades of brown, speckled with auburn and gold….just one problem…that rotund belly…I would have to diet…and well…that’s not happening…any time soon….

A Bull can charge with such speed, taking markets high. Fr: Morgue File: American Bison

Seems like there is only one solution….to give up Doggie Prayers for a Bull Run so that Momma’s portfolio will grow and I don’t have to bring in money to support the family…

So Tech World, no hacking, China & India, no sighing, Mr. President of the Free World, behave….Momma and I are depending on you…

(Oh, my)…. Worst.Idea.Ever.

It’s All Just A Game

So where will you be this weekend…..But the family all know by now….In some Rink, or a Ball Park, Small Town, Anywhere…Second guessing the Refs and Judges….As they decide who won and who lost….

Far be it for mere parents to distrust…Their ability to stick to the Guidelines…So how come the kids that break all the rules…Carry home every trophy in site….

Fund Raisers driving us loco… Fr: Morguefile

Parents can’t let that divide them….We got a lot of years to put in side by side….So let’s talk about fees this season…We’re paying too much, don’t you think….And what do you make of those parents…Who made such fools of themselves…Fund raising is just driving us ‘loco’.…Let me guess, you’re running the Bingo tonight….

But could any of us still be called sane….Ambition just wearing us thin….Glorious highs then slammed to the ice…Wears out the best human being….

Surely it is a good time to ponder….How realistic are some of our goals…

The sun, she’s going to shine tomorrow…Kid, I’ll love you, no matter, the same….You don’t have to bring home no medal….In the end…It’s all just a game!

2019 These Are A Few of Our Favorite Things

Just a few of My Favorite Things

**Let Bad Boy Andy tell you….and he will…**

**Charlie and her eyes that mesmerize….**

**SuperKid & His-Soon-To-Be. They’re going to the beach and they’re gonna get married..**…

**RIP Itty Bitty and Superkid at his Kindergarten Grad**

**Momma & RIP Daddy & our Run Away Princess**

My nephew and Wonder Boy

Delta Dawn, What’s That Flower You Have On?

In the country…deep in the country, you know everyone…..their names and the nicknames assigned to them…

Everyone knew Runaway Daisy & Runaway Fawn.
From Morguefile.com
DSCF9355.JPGBy milza
abc03.jpgBy inkogutto

Nessie and Nestor stayed in their own lane…no jumping fences to escape.

Hey, you even know the names of their dogs, cats, horses, cows, piggies, their picky hens and noisy roosters ….so when some stranger appears, he or she is quickly scrutinized, categorized and assigned an identifying tagline based on appearance, attitude and what we perceive as aptitude…like a trucker’s handle, with more thought put in to it…. (What else do we have to do?).

So World, meet Delta Dawn…. One night, just after sunset, she just was there, walking down the middle of the unpaved road…..

a flower in her hair, carrying what seemed to be a baby in a knitted shawl, she floated past us, her feet barely contacting the ground. She was tall with long blonde hair flowing past her waist, the face of an angel, so ethereal, so other worldly, so named Delta Dawn.

Where did she come from? Where was she going?

We the Good Children of the Forest, hid behind the bushes and spied on her, noting her apparel, her habits and her rigid routine…it seemed she had taken up residence in that unpainted ramshackle old house with the broken windows, sagging porch and gate with the missing slats.

The Walk Time, set in stone. Fr: Morguefile

Every night after sunset, she would push open the creaky front door, near off its hinges, walk carefully down the path to the alley, dressed in ankle length pastel dress of pink or blue or mint green or light lemon or a splashy floral of pastels, a fresh flower in her hair, flat sandals, cradling what we believed to be her baby, (after heated discussion and differences of opinion). It was like a uniform, of sorts…always the same, always changing…in the winter she wore a long black coat, black lace up boots and a black hat, held in place by a thick net black scarf….with her long blonde hair still flowing down her back.

Back in the day, there were no libraries so we ran home and sought answers from the smartest people in our world, our parents – it was summer, so it was not like we could ask our teachers – anyway, seemed our parents were much smarter than those who had been hired to actually educate us…..Mother said, well, no one seemed to know much about her, not even Peg-Legged Jack or Mad-As-A-Hatter Maddie, or the Spinster Twins, Ina and Ivy, not even born the same day but we couldn’t tell them apart – ask your Father, Mother said (maybe sardonically)…He knows everything.

Now Father was our Last Resource because he had a way of spinning fact and fiction, so although it might be a mighty good story, it could never be proven scientifically. Not letting truth get in our way, we asked Father….and he had an answer (When did he not have an answer?) which brought more questions to our already hyperactive minds.

Delta Dawn, it seemed was a Fallen Angel, injected into our otherwise mundane life to teach us the lesson of what will happen to us if we didn’t walk the Straight and Narrow…Hadn’t we noticed on the back of her shoulders, down to her rib cage on each side, a small bony protrusion where her wings were once attached….Because of some grievous sin Delta Dawn committed, her wings fell off and she dropped to the Earth, landing where she was most needed….to show us the Way, the Truth and the Light.

We begged for more answers….what had Delta Dawn done that she would be so punished….what had we done that Delta Dawn was sent to live among us…so many questions…but Father took the Fifth Amendment….One day, when the time is right, all will be revealed, he said…Mother reminded us how she had said your Father knows everything, as they exchanged, I swear, it was a smirk…

I promise, I am working on it…and as soon as I know, you will know because a riddle without an answer is like a pig without a poke….So…

Delta Dawn, what’s that flower you have on?…Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? ….And did I hear you say he was a-meeting you here today? … To take you to his mansion in the sky?

If You Don’t Know Us By Now

If you don’t know us by now…You will never never never know us…All the things that we’ve been through….You should understand us, like we understand you…Now Momma, we know the difference between right and wrong…We always find our way back to our happy little home…

So don’t get so excited when we take off for the night…We never bite, growl or tangle with others..Because you brought us up right…If you don’t know us by now….You will never never never know us…We’ve all got our own funny moods…We’ve got ours, Momma, you’ve got yours too….Just trust in us, like we trust in you…As long as we’ve keep returning, it should be so easy to do…

If you don’t know us by now….You will never never never know us… (Parahrase Kenneth Gamble / Leon Huff)

….

I Believe I Can Fly

That’s how you fly, Momma.
From Morguefile.com
DSC05458.jpgBy sparkyface

So, Momma believes she can fly…so high in the sky…not a frequent flyer…no, you are so not going to see her in a airport any time soon, in one of those long maze like, roped in corrals…like used, no doubt, to discombobulate human prey until they have no idea whether they are headed North, South, East or West or all four ways at the same time…but you definitely know you’re in another Time Zone….

I’ve mentioned before…Momma’s well…clumsy. That woman has enough talent to trip over a piece of lint…Sometimes it is hilarious (almost) but mostly just one more thing to worry about….

Got my colorful kerchief around my neck, CHECK, got my leash and collar, CHECK, got my Momma, CHECK. Let’s do it!!

Take the other morning…We were off for our walk…There was no rush…All her scheduled housework was done…Her meditation worked on (but never ends, exactly)….Her lists all in order of where she had to go to, what she had to buy….So what possessed her to somehow go so fast that when she missed the front step….literally Momma was airborne…hurtling faster than a spaceship on a crash course landing….speeding past me like a projectile from a catapult…Only down to the ground….not up to the sky…maybe her GPS malfunctioned….maybe she malfunctioned. Uh, oh…I thought….Heads up Momma, Heads up .

All that praying, asking for blessings must work for Momma because God as my Witness, she had parked her car in front of the doorstep and was able to put her arms out and use the now hand print smudged windows to brace her fall… If her car had been in the garage as it is normally is (she’s a routine driven Virgo, you remember), …well, like Humpty Dumpty who fell on his head…all the King’s horses and All the King’s Men couldn’t have put Momma together again….

Always praying for guidance on our behalf and be whole….

Very shaken, Momma sat down on the steps, begged my forgiveness, (apology forgiven but Geez Louise…slow down…you move too fast), and thanked everyone in Spirit that had propped her up…included, but not limited, to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

And then, Momma being Momma, stood up, gave her body a good shake to slip the bones back in to their sockets (I guess) and off we went on our jaunt. But me…I sang…

Slow down, you move too fast…You got to make the morning last…
Just kicking down the cobblestones…Looking for fun and feeling groovy… (Simon and Garfunkel)

Secrets

The first time that I met you… I should have turned to run… But I was like the moth to a flame…I stuck around for fun….

Bounce back kid.
Oct152010edit076 Fr: Morguefile By: phaewilk

You really thought you’d fool me… And truly, you almost did… Yet one mistake can’t break me… I’m the original bounce back kid….

Let the games begin…May the best check mate win. From: Morguefile

Now you’re my past, there is no future… In a game no one can win…So no regrets, it’s all over… What felt so right can’t be a sin.

Paradise awaits you.
From Morguefile.com
ruined_doorway.jpg
By hotblack

You and I share a secret… That we will never tell… No more trips to Heaven… And no more trips through Hell.

Hello From the Outside

Momma says she’d really, truly love to believe in ghosts but so far…no confirmed sitings in the light of the day….

Hooded ghosts.
From Morguefile.com
IMG_0796_xe.JPGBy ardelfin

Surely her parents could have dropped in by now…It has been thirty-three years since Her-Mother-God-Rest-Her-Soul departed, in a great hurry, with no goodbyes….and Momma a mere child at the time….that might be an exaggeration but still, younger than Wonder Boy is right now. And you know, mothers, they have your back….Momma longed to see, or even to talk to her mother one more time but there are zero phone lines or cell towers in Heaven.

Now Her-Father-God-Rest-His-Soul hung around another nine years and announced to everyone that he was off to Heaven that day…but no one believed him….. He saw things, felt thing,s that were not scientifically proven and accepted, you know….

The circle, deep in the forest where Momma’s father claimed that the fairies twirled at the stroke of Midnight on a Moonlit night.

like the Circle of the Fairy Dance…so it was best to take things he said with a grain of salt. Momma and her father were birds of a feather, could almost read each others minds. Even though in his later years his mind was some what like Swiss cheese, with big gaping holes, from multiple strokes, his passing left a relentless wound in Momma’s heart.

And RIP Daddy…still a No Show…Well, Momma likes to think he is those butterflies that dive bomb her when she is out working in the garden…she hears him calling in the tinkle of the wind chimes…

Momma says RIP Daddy is now a butterfly that graces our garden.

but really RIP Daddy didn’t have any of that Celtic blood that runs through Momma’s veins making her believe in things both seen and unseen, like Fairies, Angels, Wee Folk and Trees that whisper and shout. However Momma is still a staunch supporter of Science…in her mind the two can co-exist in harmony.

Then there was Momma’s Itty Bitty Sister….She and Momma were so close, just peas in a pod…Itty Bitty believed like Momma, in the wacky and the wild, all the Folklore you could stuff in to her head, and like her family before, the Sweet Baby Jesus…

Momma and her Itty Bitty Baby Sister -last pic together.

and you guessed it…nary a siting of her. No, don’t get me wrong…she drops by in dreams, they all do, but Itty Bitty is like a Frequent Flyer or a Preferred Customer…with Privileges, coming night after night, in different scenarios…but it is not the same….Momma misses seeing her everyday, rushing to her bedside, kicking off her shoes, hopping on the bed with her….exchanging tall and small tales such as the old, toothless guy that sat at her table in the cafeteria who tried to kiss her, the latest drama someone from the family was living through that sometimes amazed us, often amused us, commiserating about poor Little Itty Bitty’s endless struggles to breath, walk, holding her hand, when the pain drilled through her valiant soul.

Momma loves the dreams wherein the RIP Souls pop by, but if she was awake when they dropped by…It makes for a much more believable story – especially if she could use her iphone to record their return on a video…. Stored forever in iCloud, ….that is, if the dearly departed haven’t signed some Confidentiality Agreements forbidding the practise. I hear they have some tight Guidelines and litigious lawyers, in Heaven.

So…where are the ghosts of those who went on before us? You’d think (or Momma would like to think), they have gained wisdom and would be willing to share it with their loved ones, left here, with little guidance, beset with obstacle courses and sink holes that swallow homes, cars and OMG, sometimes even people, into their dark, dank dungeons of slime.

We’ll never know…maybe not even when we enter the Pearly Gates (such things are probably only on A-Need-To-Know-Basis). So until then (and Pinkie Promise, if any one of my Dearly Departed drop by, I’ll let you know…pronto):

Hello from the other side…I must have called a thousand times…
Hello from the outside….At least I can say that I’ve tried….
To contact you, cause its breaking my heart……
But it don’t matter, nothing can tear us apart, anymore….Hello.(Paraphrase Adele)

Uh, Oh, Those Summer Nights

Jakita on the cool green grass, catching the rays….

Summer…What’s not to love…finding a patch of green grass in the back yard on a sunny day and catching the rays…Mother Earth below your belly…the sun radiating heat and energy…zapping you with revitalizing energy…. Moving to the shade once you are done like a dinner… Then demanding re-entry to your air conditioned home…sprawling out on the cool hardwood floor……

But uh, oh those Summer nights….because we all come together…at the front porch… around the cherry tree…and like the Garden of Eden… we connect…yet remain aloof…respect…yet don’t invade the invisible circle around each family… We observe…we learn…we retreat…all glad of our own unique relationships and abilities that we were blessed with…especially with Momma and Wonder Boy (who won’t even step on a snail or kill a spider)… a bit overboard but the cats, often get there before him…and it doesn’t end well for them – the snail is sent airborne…the spider pawed….because, well, cats are predators…they can’t help it any more than I can help being…square built….

Recently, on a balmy Saturday night when the stars were high in the sky and the moon enticing our attention, Wonder Boy and I went out to sit on the bench, at the front door, which faces the cherry tree. In a flash, Bad Boy Andy and Diva Calico Gen were at our side, lying facing forward with their paws tucked underneath their body, heads erect, taking in the ambiance, no aggression but alert to all possibilities…. A welcome to the Jungle Sphinx look….

It didn’t take long for Mr. and Mrs. Grey Squirrel (who are are on first name basis with Wonder Boy) to arrive with their latest batch of baby squirrels, now old enough, brave enough and foolish enough to try to get closer to the cats then is probably advisable but although our Bad Boy and Diva wouldn’t hurt them, they would gladly bestow a cautionary ‘back off’ flick of a clawed paw.

Mr. and Mrs. Grey Squirrel have zero fear of Wonder Boy and seem to depend on him to give them and their offspring three square meals a day …a Cash for Life agreement…never signed…strictly honored. If Mr. Grey Squirrel is off on some Secret Mission and doesn’t show up for two days, Wonder Boy can’t help but worry….. Trust me…I know those grey squirrels…and Mr. Grey Squirrel is especially wily…he carries battle wounds to prove it…but if any squirrel will live 25 years…bet on it being him…

Still, I hadn’t seen our Lonely Old Possum tonight, who hangs upside down from a branch in the tree, keeps to himself, but surveys….if he was around, he was camouflaged so expertly, not even the Special Forces Sharp Shooters would get a bead on him…

Still a lonely life…no apparent family or friends…his only relief from the boredom seems to be observing the rest of the world interact from rusting leaves on the trees, to swaying flowers, chattering squirrels, snarling cats, barking dogs, the inexplicable Two Foot…not even anyone to report his data collected ….Must suck to be him.

Someone was missing….oh, here they come… our cats, Bad Boy and Diva, tails twitching, the squirrels, sitting on their haunches, paws folded together in prayer, watch as The Rocky Raccoon Family approach, their eyes glowing in the dark night…

Rocky Junior
DSC_0221.JPGBy Irishbrewer7 FR: www.morguefile.com

Suddenly, Rocky Junior streaks past his family, headed towards, the steps, where he is sure the already congregated are being fed to die for treats that he wants, he needs, right now. A blood curling screech emitted from Mama Raccoon stops him dead in his tracks with an uh, oh look on his face…. Apparently Rocky Junior had surpassed that invisible boundary…again….would you just chalk it out like a crime scene so all the world could see the boundaries…Is that too much to ask, ya think?????

And so we gathered in a loosely knit semi-circle of sorts, the Two Footed Wonder Boy, the Four Footed cats, squirrels, raccoons, maybe a Lonely Old Possum, and, was that our Jimmy the Skunk peeking out from under the rose bush, all in our own world, all in our shared world, gazing at the twinkling stars, the man in the moon, deep within our own heads….and maybe I imagined it but it seemed to me…

The fairies came alive in the front garden, twirling in joy as the angels and gnomes cheered and clapped them on because:

Summer, summer…. have me a blast…Cause uh, oh those summer nights…Oh well, oh well, oh well oh, uh….Tell me more, tell me more… Was everyone there? Tell me more, tell me more…

Was it magic in the air? Tell me more, tell me more…Could you see very far? Tell me more, tell me more…Did you wish on a star? Cause uh, oh those summer nights… (Paraphrase Grease: John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John)

It’s One More Step

Getting old sucks…just ask Momma…. or not…seems she has taken the Fifth…won’t admit to anyone but I see her…she kind of walk stumbles, stops, starts, like me…her knees are so yesterday, her muscles shot.

After all I am the Brainiac Bad Boy Andy Cat…I see all and know all…and try to make sense of it but it is getting harder to evaluate and categorize, as the world performs a blurry out-of-control corkscrew spin…And Momma says you just have to turn on your TV to understand why…all you hear about is Americans Behaving Badly…oh, and Canadians…every chance you give them.

So what’s a cat to do? Look menacing, even as you move slowly, pause at every chance (to rest) and be petted by Momma and Wonder Boy…because that is written in the contract….something about ‘food and love on demand’…well, if it isn’t in the contract, it should be…

Forest Freak Momma took in….and paid dearly….

No more stalking around the neighbor hood for me…If those Forest Freaks want a piece of me, they will have to seek me out on my own Territory and then I’ll have them charged with Trespassing…If they still are a nuisance Momma will call The Pet Control Mobile and off they will go to swank accommodations that Momma helps fund. Maybe they won’t be so cranky when they get their Three Square Meals a day….

Best I stay on my property…the furthest I’m going is to find cool shade in the peony bushes, then it’s back to free fry on the bench by the side door…or when it is too hot, I seek shade under the bench… so when Momma comes out, I can sneak in and eat my three mouthful of kibbles (four if I’m really hungry).

Still, most of the time you’ll find me inside, rolled up in a chair, head touching toes, as I dream of chasing butterflies through golden grain fields…it’s a good life….

So Charlie Cat, don’t let me find you, startling me awake, standing with your paws on the side of the couch, your double-ringed green eyes casting your woe-be-gone stare in mine as if to say, ‘Who gave you permission to be here?’

Of course I go into attack mode, and Charlie is so bewildered and traumatized…and you guessed, Momma lays the blame on me…because Charlie is high strung…but I am unpredictable. No worries. Momma has a very forgiving heart…all water under the bridge in no time. Could I just go back to sleep, please?

So life is not better, not worse, then ….When I was Young… There is a certain peace and joy knowing that I won’t have my paw bit or my ears tattered by well, let’s say…they live among us….but Momma, please, don’t let those types of guests in our front door…so it’s all good, as long as I walk slow, breath, pause, get petted…

And it’s one more step down the road I go…. One more step along the world I go….From the old things to the new….keep me traveling along with you.

(Sydney Carter)

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Just a few of My Favorite Things

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