It is good to be…well…me. Sure I have to share Momma and Wonder Boy with the cats (rolling my eyes) but bet your booty, I get dibs, wedged on the right side of the easy chair, demanding attention, should Bad Boy Andy decide to step on Momma’s lap to knead her ratty old black sweater, like it was his Birth Mama and him….together again….and nothing else matters….cuz they’re together again…where did I hear that before…oh, yeah same as a Conway Twitty song…
Then Diva Calico Gen, not to be left out of any love fest, hops on the right arm of the chair, sniff kisses Momma and starts with the love bites, not liked by me, not tolerated by Momma. Okay, this is not going to work. Momma only has two arms with hands… last I checked, she is not an octopus….and preferably both hands are massaging my body….because I’m Special, So Special… and may I add, The Baby of the Family…sorry, no consideration for Seniors….just stand in line and wait your turn. Game over, as Momma stands up abruptly, knocking Andy from his perch and scattering Gen at the same time. They troupe off in a huff and I got Momma to myself…Divine. I’ll make it up to them later, play tag with Gen…let her win…and sit through a grooming session by Andy because their my buds…I don’t want them mad at me…I just want Momma’s attention, first, last and always.
Then there is the Ever-Wise Charlie….so humble…she would never overstep her Momma boundaries. If Andy and Gen are outside, she will slink silently in to the living room, hop on to the couch, inching ever closer to me, settling down for a nap, trusting that I will protect her with a ferocious bark or growl, should any threat enter. Sometimes, if Momma is alone in the easy chair, Charlie will jump on the arm rest, paws tucked underneath her, Egyptian Style but only if 1) I am not sharing the chair with Momma because she would never try to steal attention away from me, the Ultimate Earth Dog and 2) The Bad Boy and Calico Gen are long ago and far away. Charlie and I are simpatico…we understand the world at large better than most living things.
So who else claims Momma’s attention? Well….you know, that Come-From-Away-Whenever-I-Want–Clem-Kadiddle-Hopper. He is not around that much and gives me no grief…still, it is another waste of Momma’s time as she clucks and fusses over him, giving him big bowls of food in his special cat dish, runs with buckets (okay, I exaggerate) bowls of water…that is like the thirstiest cat I have ever seen. Did no one tell him cats venerated in Ancient Egypt? Then there is the whole clear the track so he can hide under the claw tub. He is High Maintenance, very High Maintenance. Good job I like Clem or this would never do!
Somehow, I always manage to win attention from Momma when-I-want-it, for-as-long-as-I-want-it….so my all other Four Footed allies, just have to lump-it-or-like-it!. She feeds me, grooms me (endlessly – more eye rolling), walks me, talks to me (yeah, people look at her funny), plays with me, scratches me…oh, I have my Momma well-trained.
For all you Four Footed Creatures, there is always a way to last longer, shine brighter, grab the spotlight of life, capture the mind and soul so you win the most (Wo)Man hours….M.A.N.I.P.U.L.A.T.E. Hear the Brothers shout: ‘Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen!’
