You have heard from a Hot Dog and various Cool Cats but now I will speak up. As the first order of business, I, Mr. Grey Squirrel, will chastise Momma. Seriously, I mean, look at how Momma so carefully covered every flower with a thick layer of compost leaves, protecting them from the deep frost, snow and ice of winter. All of the Garden Angels have been taken inside.
Even the Sun Dial and the awesome Mr. Man Chu have been moved just outside the entrance, so that every time the front door opens, they are bathed in heat. The Fairies that appear on a Moonlit Summer Night are hibernating in the crevices of the stones that bleed a river of gold and silver, in the sunshine. (One day when the sun was high, I swear I saw them peek out at me).
Yet those of us, like squirrels, raccoons and the lonely old possum are abandoned by Momma during the winter months. I mean, my family, used to be able to live in Momma’s attic because of the big holes in the roof, that the previous owner allowed. As a matter of fact, generations of my family lived in the attic, chasing each other over the beams, to the chagrin of those who tried to sleep below. Without consulting me, Momma replaced the roof. We were locked out, off the island, gone baby gone. Isn’t there a law against that????
Even more challenging, the family had the utmost nerve to bring home a Yorkie puppy, Zanny, who must have mistaken us for a rats. Sometimes, when I was minding my own business, just trying to retrieve something from the vegetable garden and she would descend upon me, all spit and vinegar. With her yappy bark, she deafened me, driving me to the safety of a nearby tree trunk or a fence. Thank God Zanny could not manoeuvre climbing trees.
But six cats. What’s that all about? Isn’t that a bit extreme? I know there is a law against that! I just have to let city hall know! Yes, yes, they are all good-natured in comparison to that yappy dog. Those cats, they actually chase me up the tree, jump on the roof of the garage, get their fat bodies through the holes and knock the chestnuts I worked so hard to gather for our very next meal, on the floor, then out the door, for a game of road hockey.
How ever will my family and me survive another a cruel Canadian winter? It is not like there are Food Banks out there for squirrels or is there? It is a miracle of the Blessed Baby Jesus that we live to tell the tale, so to speak. Momma, can’t you do something?
Momma says, ‘I hear you, Mr. Grey Squirrel. But even so, with all of this adversity, you are looking good, your body is robust, your tail is majestic and as well attuned as our yappy Yorkie. When you shriek we just think, ‘Yada, Yada, Yada’ but when you sit on the roof and cry, Momma must admit, it reaches into her hard heart and makes her wonder if she should re-organize and prioritize her beliefs and responsibilities to all of God’s creatures and critters.‘
Momma knows, she knows, Mr. Grey Squirrel, she is the daughter of Her-Father-God-Rest-His Soul, who invited squirrels in his living room, enticing them with peanuts, strewn haphazardly on a path that led to him. She will not be following suit and opening the door wide for your flea-bitten family to infest her indoor pets. However, Wonder Boy, now he is a different story – like his grandfather before him, he is a squirrel charmer, his voice a haunting flute that entices them to follow him, even barefoot through a bed of hot embers.
However, fair is fair. Momma has talked endlessly to the cats and the Yorkie, about showing deference, being sensitive to our plight but when Momma tried to present the tale from a squirrel’s perspective, she suspected, like her, they also think, ‘Yada, Yada, Yada’, till she pinches the tip of their ear, to get their undivided attention and respect.
However, after an Emergency Pet Conference, chaired by Momma, attended by Zanny and six kitties, I was given the following resolutions that will be in place immediately. ‘Mr. Grey Squirrel’, I was told, ‘We have the utmost admiration for you and your family because you have taught us the importance of looking, listening, and learning.
And how responsible and giving you are. We noticed what you did – bringing chestnuts to our puppies’ stuffed toys, Babbie and Tigger who Zanny so recklessly abandoned in the back yard. You are such a good sport about it all, making sure that nourishment is provided to all, even to the least worthy, like a Karl Marx soldier, on his best day.’
Yes, it is true, we can be annoying, we may shriek, we may cry, but we will never move on. Come to think of it, aren’t we your most favourite outdoor ‘Wildlife Without Borders’ Squatters? We have plans to continue the stealth takeover of neighbor hoods and family homes by becoming completely domesticated, and lovable like your cat or dog but sssshhhh…it’s a secret.
Email: housekeeping@hotdogcoolcats.com
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