March 2018 – Hot Dog Cool Cats

Oops, I Did It Again

So I try, I try to be an Angel Doggie but for reasons I can not quite fathom, I am just a bit mouthy, expressing myself mournfully or forcefully (sometimes) with attitude and a look that could drill a hole through pressure heated hardened steel or cut through Kevlar…. You choose…

Now it may be in my DNA, it may be that I was born an Aquarius, it may be I need Anger Management Training but, like Lady Ga-Ga, I was Born-This-Way….If you would let me ponder…. I believe it is because I am overly sensitive, notice every minute detail and think I am in charge of correcting it…oh, and I may be OCD…do doggies get that, ya think?

And Momma (being Momma), taps right in to my sanctimonious, put-everyone-in-their-place-and-you-better-stay-there moods. It is a challenge to not to disappoint Momma….again. She doesn’t chastise me but it is that look in her eyes… besides she feeds me!

So, oops, I did it again…because…I can’t mind my own business (that asks far too much of me)….and it is not my fault the Good God Almighty gave me ears that hear those butterfly wings flap in Africa.

Diva Calico Gen...so innocent...NOT! — Diva Calico Gen…so innocent…NOT!

One day (true story) as I am having a peaceful nap, falling into a REM state where dreams become sharp and clear, and you become part of the action, floating through yellow buttercups, the wind ruffling your furry ears and I hear Diva Calico Gen spring and land on the table in the kitchen.

First off, it is no fair a cat can so deftly jump from a floor to a table, in a standing position, no less and I can’t…I resent that…but mostly importantly, I have heard Momma admonish the cats time and time again for doing so.. Yet when I go rushing in to the kitchen in attack mode, snarling and barking, and Diva Calico Gen jumps off the table and takes off, so…of course it is my job, Man, to pursue her, jump on her back, chew her ears,

The problem is Momma doesn’t like the barking, the meowing, the chase around the house like wild stallions thundering across fields and dells and who gets the blame? Me. I roll my eyes, I look accusingly at Diva Calico Gen and go thump down on the cool hardwood floor with a lengthy sigh. Like: Yakety yak Yakety Yak. Don’t talk back…

Now, you know already, Momma like to live in PEACE so she will always seek me out later and explain she knew Diva Calico Gen had plotted that scenario, right down to knowing I attack the Cat, Momma attacks me. That Diva Calico Gen covers her mouth with her paw to conceal her mirth at my folly, every time… like Tom & Jerry and Tweety Bird, just scorches my very soul.

I mean even Bad Boy Andy doesn’t do that…actually he should be called…Good Boy Andy. He just wants to groom me or sleep beside me. Hush Hush Sweet Charlie, well, upon occasion, she will hop on the Coffee table but I stand up and cuff her with my fluffy paw, she runs a bit, waits for me to catch up…. No tattling with Hush Hush Sweet Charlie …. she believes in that ‘Don’t ask, Don’t tell’ philosophy of higher thinkers, thank you.

One day I am going to surprise even Momma. I will ignore Diva Calico Gen. If you don’t play, you can’t lose…I am assuming….

Seeking the Lost

Long, Long Ago…. (well, not that Long Ago, actually) Ms. Been-There-Done-That lived across the street from us in a ramshackle home (what does that even mean, Momma?) that had seen better days, with its peeling paint and fractured windows.

Momma says it looks like if you push on the outer wall with your pointer finger, it will collapse, flattening everything in its path….so sidle on past it…. with Extreme Caution.

We never really talked to Ms. Been-There-Done-That but we’d wave and holler across the street. She was pea green with envy over Momma’s Magical Garden with flowers, stepping-stones, rocks that bled rivers of silver and our Itty Bitty Fairies and Angels that twirled around in the Circle of the Fairy Dance.

Little did we know that Ms. Been-There-Done-That was fighting her last battle with Killer Cancer and had chosen to self medicate with Jack Daniels….bottles and bottles of Jack Daniels. She had lost her Husband to The-Other-Women, she had lost her Son to Addiction, BUT…..

UNCONDITIONAL, HANG IN THERE LOVE. I AM WITH YOU , TIL DEATH DO US PART. — Unconditional, Hang in there ♥ ‘Till Death Do Us Part’.

She would lose her Life with her Ever Loyal and Faithful Splotchy White and Black Mutt Dog at her side.

Some say on the night of her passing Ms. Been-There-Done-That crossed the street and became the Lead Ballerina in the Circle of the Fairy Dance….but others swear on a Stack of King James Bibles:

As the moon glows down on her haunted house, now that she feels better, Ms. Been-There-Done-That roams our street at night, crisscrossing the road, searching, calling out for Ever Loyal and Faithful Splotchy White and Black Mutt Dog, saying, ‘Here Boy, Here Boy’ in a quiet whisper, then sprinting up to the neighbours’ front doors, ringing door bells, and when they answer, vaporizing before their unbelieving eyes…

Hooded ghosts. From Morguefile.com IMG_0796_xe.JPGBy ardelfin — Hooded ghosts.
From Morguefile.com
IMG_0796_xe.JPG By ardelfin

Seeking the lost… Seeking the lost…Saving, redeeming… At an immeasurable cost.

Look for her….If you have eyes to see…Listen for her…If you have ears to hear….because….She is so out there!!!!!!!!!!

Ándale, Ándale! Ariba! Ariba!

Okay, I hate to break it to you Momma…but we got us a Four Footed, long whiskered, pointed snout, longer than body-length scaly tailed Speedy Gonzales House Mouse living in our home…so now what?

Momma won’t put down poison because…well ….because her most beloved, yet pokey four-footed pets might ingest it…and forget traps…like tiny, unforgiving guillotines only the poor mites could pitch and shriek for days and Momma would not hear a whisper….although that might wake the cats out of their hibernation slumber. I mean, Wonder Boy, if and when he can catch Speedy and his relatives, doesn’t mind capturing them and putting them out to scamper in to the cold night…but Momma…no…not so much….

Now the other day, a Thursday (that is the day Momma scrubs the floors, every week, like clock work (God-Love-Those-Detail-Oriented-Schedule-Keeping Virgos) and lo and behold, and fuddle duddle, out streaks Speedy Gonzales, so fast, almost a blur, but I could see his fat little body, his little round ears and that long whip of a tail, disappearing in to the bathroom, under a bath mat all the while shrieking (I swear I heard): ‘Ándale, Ándale! Ariba! Ariba!’

As Momma squealed and did an Irish Jig, I went in to panic mode….was this a threat…is there Speedy Gonzales Terrorists hiding out in our home???? Mostly I am thinking (being Havanese and hailing from Cuba)…Holy frijoles! That thing runs faster than me!

Time to get a grip, hold the phones. It is an itty bitty field mouse who has invaded private property in the dead of an Arctic Vortex….Don’t we have cats in our midst whose main contribution to the family is supposed to be to hunting…like… mice? So I scan the horizon and what do I see? Well, Charlie is deep in contemplation….Should I stay or should I go…Forget Charlie anyway…she catches flies, the occasional moth that dares to invade her territory but mice…never saw her even show interest in even confronting a mouse. No, she is a tried and true crunchy Meow Mix Loyalist.

Bad Boy Andy sleeps alone, on his back, little white paws ready to box all takers while long black tails drapes over his hind legs.

And, what can I say… Bad Boy Andy, a male cat…. There he is, flat on his back, paws in the air, deep in slumber … he has to feel extremely bored to be lured in to a cat and mouse game. The mouse would have to pull Andy’s whiskers to get any reaction out of him. Don’t tell anyone but Andy is a softie…he doesn’t like to pick on things smaller than him.

Then there is Diva Calico Gen…she is a true female feline mouser…but more to bat them around, leave them stunned, so that Wonder Boy can scoop them up and deliver them to their Natural Habitat. There she is, wound up like a ball of tri–coloured yarn, in never–never land, chasing pretty butterflies no doubt. Three for three, like Jesus’ disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane…all asleep.

So, as Speedy Gonzales makes his great escape, from one room to the next to the next to the next, he is chuckling as he goes… ‘They don’t make pussy cats like they used to….but then again…Us good guys always win….’

No worries, I am working on a plan…without the help of our pampered, soft and hard food, Temptation Treats fed, gorda kitties because as a Havanese (From Havana…ooh na-na (ay, ay), I speak Speedy’s native tongue…

Ándale, Ándale! Ariba! Ariba…you are so out of here Speedy Gonzales…Vamos! Vamos!

Devil in Disguise, That’s What I Am

Go figure….They even have a name for it…Odd–Eyed Cats…. Oh, and a Scientific reason…apparently….me, I am like Momma…I want to believe I was touched by the Angels BUT… on some days you may think, when I am acting out, the Devil in Disguise…..the one with the Little Red Pitchfork.

Odd- Eyed I am and Ever Shall Be.... — Odd- Eyed I am and Ever Shall Be….From: Morguefile By:Chriele78

My Mama Cat noticed nothing on toward about me when my eyes finally opened….okay, okay, all my siblings were lovely shades of black / grey and tuxedoed white with two matching eyes but I was completely white …who knew the color you are randomly assigned can jump-start that dominant pigment, leaving me with one blue and one green eye?

Still everyone knows how unrelenting siblings can be about your weaknesses…One day my Little Bro asked my Mama…what was wrong with Little White Sissy’s eyes….and that is when she realized, (your kids teach you most the things you know :))) ) she had either birthed a Miracle or a Misery for Life….but you know the world is full of Stage Moms who Believe that their off spring will change the world and so the DREAM began….I became The STAR…and my Siblings, my Loyal Gofers….no limitation on those who adore and serve me, oh no…..at least in my head!

My # Amigos Fr: Morguefile By: MaryBaird — My Amigos Fr: Morguefile By: MaryBaird

So how did I get here, you are probably asking….well, my Mama Cat saw an open door (much to the chagrin of the McHappy Family who had given her a Forever Home). After being adopting, the McHappy’s warned her sternly to never go out that door but did she listen? No, like Eve in the Garden of Eden, Mama Cat bit into the apple and well, it didn’t end well…for her….

Sure Mama Cat slunk back home to her McHappy Family … to her Forever Home, where she was fed, groomed, petted, even supplied cat nip…but the ♥ wants what the ♥ wants…..so she came home with a kitten caboodle growing silently and secretly (for now) inside of her. And that Virginia, is my humble beginnings.

But that was then and this is now. Life is good but there’s rumors….that we won’t be staying…that we have one paw out the door already…who decides these things? I don’t have a union card. What can I do to get the best contract which must include a Forever Home, with of course, food, water, toys, cat nip, brushing and pure adultation poured on me….

I got a plan (don’t I always)…If I don’t like any of the prospective families that come to adopt me, I’ll act shy, sleep (with one eye and both ears open). It seems (from what I can tell) that families love playful kittens that act like monkeys, jumping and cavorting, making them laugh. I will play dead, dead as a door mouse….no one will want me….

See my halo???? Fr: Morguefile By: Alvimann

I know, I know it will be so hard for me because I have such a huge ego. I tell my siblings they are stray kitties while I am descended from the fine ancient family lines of the Turkish Angora’s, hence my Odd–Eyes and long silky fur as well as my friendly, outgoing personality that melts the resistance of the Two Footed and the Four Footed alike. I love to watch them fall under my spell, as I spin my magic web, catching my prey in my sticky trap.

So…In order to provide full transparency (most importante in these Trumped up days): When you stare into my Odd–eyes …There’s no way to see my disguise…But it’s not over till the fat lady sings…Stick around…Let’s see what it brings…. (Paraphrase P. F. Sloan, Steve Barri )

Ok, Ok, she's pretty special too... Fr: Morguefile By: ArielleJay — Ok, Ok, my siblings are pretty special too…
Fr: Morguefile By: ArielleJay

I want you to stay in touch so I can tell you which family I chose, because I am sure you must be as fascinated by me as I am…. 🙂

If you know any good candidates, give me a shout out….We (the Royal ‘WE’) Believe the Best for the Best….and just, you know, whoever …gets the rest….

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