December 2015 – Hot Dog Cool Cats

It’s All In The Game

Jakita puts her head on the pillow, her fan tail spread meticulously as she tells the story to her audience. — Jakita puts her head on the pillow, her fan tail spread meticulously, as she tells the story to her audience.

Call me a busy body, but call me, okay. I notice, well…things. And my nose and ears….they should be insured, like a fighter’s hands because the slightest whiff or noise can tantalize and torment me.

You may ask, ‘What ya talking bout? Who gives you these grandiose ideas?’ Well, it’s the truth. I can be sound asleep, in another room, in another time zone, frolicking with my lost canine family and Wonder Boy stealthily opens his bag of beef jerky and I am so on it. My senses awaken, my eyes fly open, my nose pops up, and like the US Department of Homeland Security’s Shadow Wolves, the department’s only Native American tracking unit, I am on a mission, to hunt, to find, to ravish.

The good news is Momma taught Wonder Boy to share but…..never enough, if you ask me. And Wonder Boy is not only sneaky, he is a wily only child so sometimes when he is not in a loving and giving mood, he takes the bag to his bedroom and locks me out. What is that all about? All evening (okay, when he is home), I sit as close as possible to him (and try to keep the cats out of bound- okay, more for my sake than his). At night, I sleep faithfully beside him, protecting him from all manners of evil. I will put in twelve hours straight, not moving a muscle, for fair of disturbing him. And he won’t share his beef jerky. Blame Momma. Isn’t it always the mother’s faulty?

But my talent is not all about me.

Busy Bachelor Buttons, waving at all the traffic that passes them by as people walk here, there and everywhere.

Take for instance, Momma and I are out on a walk. My Shadow Wolf Native American tracking radar feels any negative energy approaching, even innocuous looking sources and I stop dead, sitting down like a ton of bricks. Nothing Momma can do will make me continue, not even a stick of dynamite will entice me to move. I sit my ground and look around for the culprit. Is he on the other side of the street or approaching me or coming up behind me or even walking in the other direction on an adjacent street and will not come near us? Once I have established the location, a decision is made. The bearer of the negative energy must pass us, taking his destructive cloud of harmful vibes out of our space, before I give the all clear and Momma and I can move again.

It came to pass on a sunny, summer afternoon, Momma and I were walking up our street, looking at the lovely old homes, set on expansive lawns, some with circular driveways. All of a sudden my fur stood up, I looked around and felt, saw, heard trouble, walking up behind us. I plunked myself down, it (he) passed and meandered up the driveway of our neighbour. I sensed what it was about.

They have a classic convertible that car aficionados drool over and Mr. Could-Be-Trouble bent down, peering in the windows. Now I love these people, Miss Lawyer, Mr. Doctorate and Beautiful Baby Combination. They are so good to me.

Two border collies, one that jumps and one that snarls at me...but they both like Momma. From Morguefile.com IMG_4147-001.JPGBy diannehope — Two border collies, one that jumps and one that snarls at me…but they both like Momma.
From Morguefile.com
IMG_4147-001.JPGBy diannehope

They looked after me when RIP Daddy passed away and Momma was otherwise occupied. I even forgive them for having two border collies, one that jumps and snarls at me, the other one that totally ignores me.

And so I sat, giving this interloper the Stinky eye, growling deep in my throat, looking as menacing as a twenty pound Havanese can look. And…it worked. If I had felt his vibe, he definitely recognized mine. He looked at me, back at the car. He looked at Momma, then back at the car. Time to move on. Everyone has a cell phone these days, the owners might come out with a shot gun. He had no worries about the police. He was good at leaving them in the dust. His Spidy sense said move on. Mr. Could-Be-Trouble ambled on down the gateway and headed back to the park.

Check it out! From Morguefile.com By Ladyheart — Check it out!
From Morguefile.com
By Ladyheart

I stood up and Momma and I headed home. I wonder if I will get recognition for a job well done. Not likely…. Who is going to phone city hall to tell them about my relentless pursuit of the bad apples? Not Momma. She is too busy writing blogs.

The Christmas Story (With A Twist)

It is listen up time for Gen and Jakita.

‘So, Momma tell us about Christmas again’, said Jakita and Gen as they crowded her in the lazy boy chair, Jakita cuddled by Momma’s side, Gen perched beside her, paws tucked below her body, Egyptian style. Who knows where Bad Boy Andy was…probably wreaking havoc in the neighbourhood. Meanwhile Charlie was lurking behind one of the kitty hotels, listening attentively, convinced no one could see, although she wished she was brave enough to join them.

Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, a sheep and a praying angel.

‘Well, long ago, Joseph and Mary’, started Momma, but they stopped her, rather impatiently. ‘No, no, no tell us about the Baby Jesus,’ Jakita and Gen implored, ‘We love babies. Everybody loves babies.’

So Momma sighed and started again, only this time she took another tack. ‘Yes, Baby Jesus was born in a stable and laid in a manger.

As you proclaimed Jesus' birth. — As you proclaimed Jesus’ birth.

An Angel of the Lord appeared to the Shepherds, who were tending their sheep that night, telling them the great tidings of Jesus birth and so they hurried off to Bethlehem and found Mary and Joseph with Baby Jesus as well as cattle, in the stable. Meanwhile, a mysterious light that turned in to a resplendent star shone, guiding the Three Wise men (hard to find three of those today), bearing gifts, came to see the long-awaited Messiah.’ But there is more because, well, Momma has lived forever, so she hears things.

Apparently, in Momma’s day, it was a well-known fact that on Christmas Eve Midnight, if the conditions were perfect, the snow gleaming from the moon and stars radiating beams of kaleidoscope light, if you went in to your barn, all the cattle would bow down and speak to each other about what was and is and ever shall be…..And everyone wanted to go to the barn at midnight at Christmas Eve but there was one catch (isn’t there always?). Every person who had been brave enough to walk that path had never lived to tell the tale.

Who ended up unable to divulge the secrets. He sure does look like a sceptic, eh? — Who ended up unable to divulge the
secrets. He sure does look like a sceptic, eh?

It was rumored that a Great Uncle of Momma’s, who did not believe in stuff and nonsense, well, no one knows what happened to him, there no witnesses (except the cattle and they pleaded the Fifth Amendment), but he was found in the barn the next morning, as the cattle looked on sorrowfully, his eyes and mouth wide open, with a wound to his head, like he had tripped and hit his head on the way to meeting his Maker, God-Rest-His-Soul.

The snowbank where Miss Secret Society of Scryers was found.

And one more person Momma heard of tried it, one of the Secret Society of Scryers and she nearly made it. She was already outside of the barn, on her way home, anxious to share what she had seen and heard but she was found in a heap, in a snow bank, frozen stiff, as the moon and the stars twinkled relentlessly, almost tauntingly, the secrets of the ages, still safe.

Wow, Momma, you sure have heard some fantastic tales. Makes us wonder if they are true but it does not matter, because you know there is more than one truth out there and truth, well it is highly over rated. Pondering the unknown formulates growth. But I tell you what, Gen and I are not going to any barn on Christmas Eve at midnight because we are not the scientific type, okay?

Still, we adore Baby Jesus.

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

Dear Family and Friends;

I am ready, willing and groomed to perfection. Bring on the family and friends. No one will be able to resist me!

Season’s Greeting from our Family who have enjoyed continued progress on a bumpy road, in the year that has just passed.

Hubby’s gardening business struggles on, but you know him. He is fairly threatening so makes a strong Collection Officer as he goes about taking the last $20.00 from some Customers, for cutting their lawns. Although a bag of food for $20.00 doesn’t buy much these days, still, they owe him and it is pay up time. He left his sweat on their lawns and flowerbeds and darned if he is going to be stuck with ‘bad debt’.

Our one and only son (Wonder Boy) sometimes helps Hubby with the gardening when he has not been out partying the night before, but then he always insists they stop to eat at noon which pretty much cancels any profit made that day. Go figure. This eating regularly is seriously over rated and absolutely not cost-effective.

You remember Hubby’s health is not what it should be with his heart condition and diabetes. Thank goodness we live close to the hospital. He is always conscientious about not spending money on an ambulance.

I mean, it's not that hard...just stop the next time you see someone stumbling through an intersection. He may be headed to the hospital... From Morguefile.com DSC_1144.JPGBy kconnors — Just stop the next time you see someone stumbling through an intersection. H
From Morguefile.com
DSC_1144.JPG By k Connors

In blinding pain, he staggers over to Emergency, weaving his way through the traffic of cars and the blaring horns of buses that seem to think for some reason, that they have the right of way. What would make them think that? Maybe we should get him a STOP sign to carry and he could wear one of those hats with a revolving red light so the traffic can come to a halt accordingly.

RIP Daddy's last project. Is it just me or do you see his divine spirit hiding in the rainbow quartz? — RIP Daddy’s last project. Is it just me or do you see his divine spirit hiding in the rainbow quartz?

The good news is that we finally got the Crack House next door closed down but we can’t take all the credit. It took the effort of all the neighbors on the street. We could not take the disoriented Crack Heads standing on our front doorsteps, knocking plaintively, all hours of the day and night. It was quite the circus to watch (and we all got in free). The good news was the whole neighborhood poured in to the street to watch the live entertainment (just like the TV series – Cops) when the fleet of police cars surrounded the area. We caught up on each others lives as we surveyed the constables, the undercover officers, possibly the RCMP and some one said CSIS, rounding up the undesirables. We hate to complain but it is quiet without them nowadays…..

Still, it sure is energizing to hear about the success of your family. Makes us proud to be (Fill in the blank)_________ (related) or ________ (acquainted). Gives us something to brag about when we talk to our friends and neighbors. We can not wait to get next year’s missive. We’ll be praying for your continued success because it is so nice to know there is someone out there that we are related to (or know) families who has their sugar….. together.

We Wish You A Merry Christmas…And A Happy New Year.

Love,

The Truth-Be-Darned and Don’t-Sweat-The-Little-Stuff

Note: A lot of changes have occurred since this letter was sent. Hubby is now RIP Daddy, gardening in heaven for spiritual bucks and Wonder Boy…well, he turned out just fine too.…….we are not the type to brag, but he works on Bay Street in the Financial District, ya know…where he finally pays for his own lunch.

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

The Christmas card with the Brag Sheet tucked neatly inside.... All is calm, all is bright. — The Christmas card with the Brag Sheet tucked neatly inside….All is calm, all is bright.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go….when you get your first Brag Sheet tucked neatly in a ♥warming Christmas card….Momma says, she does, that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. So began the Christmas Card letter that was supposed to be an update on the progress of family and friends that you may not have heard from since the previous Yuletide Season.

A few years back Momma claims she got such a letter from a friend of the family, let’s call her Lady Brag-Brag. Now Lady Brag-Brag is a good Christian person but she also is a very proud wife and mother whose intention, in all likelihood, was not to boast and make others feel inferior. She just wanted to share her pride in having an upwardly mobile husband and children. Instead it had a negative effect, which made Momma and Her-Sister-the Queen take stock and think that they were sadly lacking. Where had they gone wrong? Were they blessed or cursed, to be passed by such honors?

Now on the other side, but stll lighting up our world. — Our Lovie…Now on the other side, but still lighting up our life.

At that time in Momma’s life, RIP Daddy was still alive and by her side. However most days were spent visiting their gorgeous but long-suffering niece, Lovie. in her last days at the Palliative Care Unit. Therefore Momma took along the letter to astound Her-Sister-the Queen, (Lovie’s mother) so she could also feel bemused about how their families just did not measure up. Since Momma and Her-Sister-the Queen shared a warped sense of humor, they passed time by spinning off a reply about their own family units that Momma could communicate back to these over achievers.

It seemed that the Lady Brag-Brag’s husband’s business had grown in absolute leaps and bounds in the past year. They had managed to get away on two different holidays in the sun, where they rejuvenated their bodies and souls. It made Momma and Her-Sister-the Queen want to cry out, what about their families’ bodies and souls? In the past year plus, Momma and Her-Sister-the Queen felt blessed just to be able to be by Lovie’s bedside daily, little own thinking of rest or relaxation.

The letter writer’s children absolutely ‘took the cake’….. so there was none left for anyone else. They were in various Universities across Canada, on Honor Rolls, graduating at the top of their class, then getting plum positions, shoved down their throats by a shallow society that heaps favors on only the brightest, the most beautiful and the best. It fair made their heads spin, as Momma and Her-Sister-the Queen recalled how their competitive Aunties had children (their cousins) that were carbon copies, so many years earlier and they were not even related. (Reality Check in ‘Real Time’ – none of their cousins have set the world on fire…at least yet).

Are we the only ones that feel this way????

It did not stop there. The partners that her children chose were also gifted, graduating from even more prestigious international universities, and being bid on for future positions. Say what? Even Momma and Her-Sister-the Queen, who earnestly believe in the Mystery of the Reality, were baffled about how so much good karma surrounded Lady Brag-Brag’s family. It was their intention to point out to her that just because their paltry lives were not quite on the same path… yet, it did not mean that they couldn’t enjoy what they had.

Maybe as Momma and Her-Sister-the Queen, ruminated, they stretched the truth a wee bit, but only to make a point, you understand. Their response was swift, although cutting, still laced with absolute, abiding reality.

So wait for it, expect it….like the Baby Jesus, it is on the way.

Andy Cat’s Odyssey Continues

So as my new-found reality (See Post: Andy’s Plight Without a Fight) of unconquerable pain wore on, I was sorry – sorry I teased Charlie, chased Clem and generally caused mayhem. I wouldn’t do that again – if only it would make the agony pass.

Waiting patiently...let me in, Momma... — Waiting patiently…let me in, Momma…

Truth be told, the longer I sat at the front door, waiting for it to ‘open sesame’, I felt meaner and meaner. The sky brightened, the sun rose and so did Momma. Of course she noticed right away that I was hopping along on three paws but she is not the panic OMG type – more like the wait and see type. Apparently I wasn’t a priority. Where did I hear that one before?

As the days went on, I got meaner and meaner with the cats as I dragged around putting as little pressure as possible on my right paw. My little white paw started to swell, like a balloon. I could no longer eat. I did not go outside. I felt done like a dinner. Momma said it was vet time….

This was the morning of my surgery. See my swollen paw. By this point, all I could do was lay on the couch, covered in a silk pashmina and let Momma carry me from pillar to post. Thank you, Momma! — This was the morning of my surgery. See my swollen paw. By this point, all I could do was lay on the couch, eyes downcast, covered in a silk pashmina and let Momma carry me from pillar to post. Thank you, Momma!

Vets come in all stripes, you know. Some are compassionate to a fault, others look at Momma and say, ‘It’s just a cat. You can get another one.’ What pray tell does that mean? Am I expendable? Have I not claimed a spot in the heart of my family? Won’t they miss my low purrs and louder meows (to be left outdoor) if I am gone? Let’s call the vet I saw Dr. Practical Empathy. He was absolutely kind to me but since the only cure for my swollen paw was an operation, the vet informed Momma another option available was to put me down. Huh? Did I hear that correctly? Momma was shocked. ‘No, Andy is healthy, well–loved and an integral part of our family. Operate.’ Phew. Cats really do have nine lives, it . Muchas gracias, Momma.

Back from surgery. I still am lethargic but on the mend.

So it came to pass, I was whisked in to surgery and woke up with a cast like bandage on my right paw. It did not feel right but, good news, the pain had turned to just the discomfort of restriction. And all the staff fussed over me, telling me how brave I was. A few hours later, Momma came to take me home, home on the range, where the dog, cats, skunks, raccoons and rabbits roam…and a few foolhardy mice. Dr. Practical Empathy told Momma another cat (he could tell by the size of the teeth mark) had bitten clear through my bone. Sounds like I met up with the dreaded Forest Freak.

Let me tell you, I was given a Royal Welcome when I got home. Jakita rushed over to sniff and air kiss me. Even Diva Calico Gen got up and sauntered over, and massaged me with her head. Charlie stood back and observed but seeing how I was not quite at par, she did not hiss. That was a first. I guess she like the new non-threatening pathetic Andy.

I hobbled over to the kitty hotel, jumped on the roof, away from all the love. I had some healing to do…don’t interrupt me…but thanks for caring….I’ll tell you the details later……

Look at me - my eyes opal green and focused on the camera. The bandages are gone and my paw is healing nicely...thank you for caring. — Look at me – my eyes jade green and focused on the camera. The bandages are gone and my paw is healing nicely…thank you for caring.

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: